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Tip of the Day for New York. 10.03.17 Three ways to Sort out this lift thing

Written by Jimmy

I don’t think  I could ever live in  NYC until they sort out this lift thing

The modern world has two fundamental problems.  Well maybe more but let’s sort things out one at a time.  For Horizontal cities like London and Moscow the problem is how to sort out human interactions Underground, as people are squeezed about under the city in little train cars.   Terrible problem, indeed, but you don’t need to ride underground.  You can wait about in traffic above ground, going nowhere and killing the world faster with your pretty carbon emissions.

But in NYC, you’ve got a vertical city.  People have to go up and down in very tall buildings.  A lot.  And you don’t really have a choice.  Well, I don’t.  As you know, from previous blogs,I’m not going to be running up to my 29th floor room at the Westin.  Not this year.     So, the whole city has to go up and down.  And they have to do this in lifts.  Everyone does it.  All the time.

But this has been going on for years and there are still no bloody social rules about what you do in lifts.  I just don’t get this.  It is a big social event.  Up. Down.   In London, when you drive around the little tiny village streets, we have 257 rules around passing each other.  We wait while someone goes first thru the little places where one car can pass, and we sort out who does the thank you wave.  Lots o’ rules.

In lifts I only know one rule.   When everyone gets in the lift, you can only have 2 people trying to get in the lift press the up button.  You know what i’m talking about.  You’re in.  The lift is about to go up. The doors are closing.  Someone outside rushing forward and presses button.   Person 1 opens door again.  Cycle repeats.  Doors about to close.  Loser from street rushes in and presses up button.  Lift doors open for Person 2.  Now EVERYONE knows, you cannot, must not be the third person.  You can’t make the INSIDE people endure another door semi-closing opening.  You cannot be the third person.  It is known by everyone.

But that’s the only rule.  The other rule that should be, is you can’t use a lift to carry you up less than 2 floors.  You can’t go from 26 to 28, from 5 to 7.  It should be a rule, but it isn’t.  Folks do it all the time.  I do it all the time.

So we need lift rules and rituals, especially in vertical cities like NYC.   Here’s my proposal:

1. As soon as the doors close, we have to shuffle ourselves about and get in order of exit.  leads to fun conversations and hassle free exits.   Someone needs to start the dialogue and it is obvious immediately.  i would suggest the person closest to the buttons starts.  Door closes and lift goes up.  Here’s what Button Boy says:  ‘ok, I need 12 and 16 in front now.  41 and 43 to the back, you’ll be awhile.  21 and 31 hang in the middle but for now make way for 12 and 16 to get in front.  Think of how fun this would be?
2. The lowest floor has to give a blue berry muffin to the highest floor on Monday.  On Tuesday, odds give coffees to evens.  On Wednesday, the exact middle floor gets a hug from everyone.  On Thursdays, we reverse the Monday thing.  On Friday’s we reverse the Tuesday thing.. I know that sounds stupid, but think of the dynamic.  First, it means you have to buy a blue berry muffin or coffee  for someone else in morning.  That’s just nice.  And everyday is kind of special.  You’ve got this thing going on when the door closes.  hugs or coffee and blue berry muffin things.  And everyone knows this will happen.  i want you to think deeply about the social implications.  AND THE GAMING.  You’re an even on Tuesdays.  You try to squeeze yourself into the most packed lift possible, ready to risk the third person rule above.  All to get a coffee.  but we all know what would happen.  A ‘third person even’ would start to be viewed as the most evil person on earth.  We’d say, ‘First, they were a third person.  Then they were an even on a Tuesday.  I mean, what a bitch.’  I would love that.  Think of the phrases, the short hand to judge people.  Delightful.
3. If a person’s floor is their Birthday day, you all have to sing.  They announce on getting in lift and all sing.  It won’t happen that often, but when it does, goodness it is cool.  I also think you need to say something when you’re floor is on big love based anniversary.  Again, a little thing, but it starts to really impact behaviour of vertical cities.  I, for one, would move to a job that is located on my birthday floor.  that would be important to me.  It would make businesses who are on floors 1-31 be much more attractive than others.  And even floors 31 businesses are just slightly less attractive then 30 floor businesses.  and 28 businesses would surely rock.  I don’t even know how you would recruit someone above floor 31.  ‘So, let me get this right.  i get benefits, a 7 figure salary and a car?’ says the recruit.  ‘Yes indeed.’ Says the recruiter.  ‘But, i never get a birthday song in the lift’? Says the recruit.  ”no you will not, we’re on the 76th floor.’  ‘Never?’  Says the recruit.  ‘Well  after four years, we will man the lifts on your birthday and sing you a birthday song.’  Says the recruiter.  ‘Four years? says the recruit.  Beautiful.

Okay.    That’s three simple ideas.  and i think it would transform NYC.  Now other than being tall, I’m not a vertical person.  But I came up with 3 improvements pretty fast.  I’m sure you New York type people could sort this out if you put your minds to it.   At least I got you started.

I’m here all week.

Jimmy in New York.