Blog
Wenlock’s Greatest Fan
Written by Rosie
Wenlock is the much-maligned mascot of the 2012 Olympic games, and until yesterday I was definitely in the camp that thought the one-eyed, banana-backed freak with a headlight embedded in its tiny forehead was a bizarre choice. However, having now seen Wenlock in the flesh, or at least in the enormous padded costume, I’ve changed my tune.
Firstly, he/she/it is hilarious when made 7 foot tall. Look at his enormous legs compared to his tiny arms! Why is he wearing friendship bracelets? What would it be like to cuddle him? Secondly, imagine punching him in the back of the head, or for that matter, kicking him in the arse. It could be done with complete impunity as your fist/foot would sink into the huge padded point coming out of the back of his head. What a great friend to have when you’re in a bad mood.
All this pales into comparison next to Wenlock’s best feature – his dancing. Saturday was the Olympic football final (Brazil vs. Mexico, Mexico took the gold after Brazilian Oscar missed a header in the closing minutes. He’s Chelsea’s new player – not a great pre-season warm-up but we’re hoping that despite the ten minutes he spent lying on the pitch with his hands over his face, probably crying, it won’t knock his confidence too badly. Not overly optimistic, but a girl can dream). Before the match Wenlock made his way around the pitch dancing (badly) to music such as House of Pain’s Jump Around, and was roundly ignored by the 86,000 spectators. 85,999 I should say – I was paying full attention. This was the point at which I felt a deep kinship with Wenlock. Like him, I too spend a fair amount of my time dancing ridiculously in front of people who are trying to ignore me, whether it’s in the office when the Bee Gees come on the radio, in front of the TV when I’m trying to get my family’s attention, or on one of the rare occasions I venture into a club. He was breaking out all my best moves – the Swim, the Flail, the Usain Bolt, the Slap Your Legs Like You’re A New Zealand All Black Doing The Haka, more of the Flail… But no one knows who he is in real life, he has a much bigger audience of people ignoring him, he gets to dance in places like Wembley Stadium instead of the aforementioned cramped office in the bowels of Chelsea & Westminster hospital, he has a minder, and it’s his job. All of which I would like.
Sadly it’s too late for me to ever become Wenlock, and though I could try and become another mascot, none could ever be as gloriously ridiculous as my Olympian friend. This is a story fated to end up in the history books along with Romeo & Juliet, the Star Wars prequels and Rosalind Franklin’s death before she could be awarded a Nobel prize for her work on the structure of DNA as one of the world’s greatest missed opportunities. All I can do is console myself with this picture of Usain Bolt making a mini Wenlock do the Usain Bolt arms while standing next to a real-life Wenlock also doing the Usain Bolt arms, and pretend it was me.