Abubilla Music

Could Do Better

Written by Tati

Or: why Tati is disappointed in the current ladies of pop. My main issue with these ladies is that they all clearly have potential that I think (because obviously I am an informed viewpoint on these matters roflololol) they aren’t using. Their talent is being eaten up by their BORING.

Lana Del Rey

I’m mostly interested in Lana Del Rey as a lyricist, although sometimes she’s too unsubtle even for me.  I think she does some lovely things – she is capable of looking very beautiful, singing very well and generally being very magnetic. What bothers me is the massive gap between the level talent she consistently displays and her fame. And the way she courts controversy but is never actually controversial. Take the cover for the Blue Jeans single: Del Rey lying on the ground with her eyes closed with a male, tattooed hand around her throat. It looks like she – and her publicists – have decided to go for the abused-women thing that’s been getting a lot of press lately because of that Durex ad that showed a women whose mouth had been ripped open (caption: poor woman… or maybe lucky one?) and the high fashion industry, who are stuffing their models into car boots every two seconds. Thing is, Del Rey & co haven’t actually committed to this abuse-chic image – that chokehold doesn’t exactly scream chokehold if you know what I mean… looks more like she’s having a little sleepy and he’s touching her neck. Is her lack of commitment to being strangled in a car park a carefully thought out image thing? Are they picking a tricky topic and trying to sneak around pissing anyone off? Oh I don’t know. I want her to do something we can all be aware of. Trying to figure out what that girl is doing is like trying to figure out what Shrodinger’s cat is doing in the box, and if it ever existed at all… Not that I’m suggesting Lana Del Rey has been dead this whole time and we can all just see ghosts.

Nicki Minaj

She’s clearly an intelligent lady – I know nothing of hip hop but from my perspective she seems to know what she’s doing, and I think her raps are funny. I also love that she burst onto the music scene with about four different personas. Most stars introduce themselves with just the one – alter egos come later. That’s the safe way to do it – so all power to Nicki. HOWEVER… It winds me up that she pretends to be dumb in interviews, because I’m pretty sure that’s not some super subversive, independent-lady-bluff there. I think she’s playing dumb because maybe it makes her seem more accessible? She may have all these personas who can say and do what they like (ps her British accent must be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen) but I perhaps she or her puppetmaster feel that she wouldn’t sell as well or make them as much money if Nicki-Nicki wasn’t seen by the public as relatively non-threatening and sweet.

Obviously I am aware that I can afford to be uppity about these things because I have no money.

Is her ass real? Real or not, she must be able to comfortably sit anywhere. Jealous.

Lady Gaga

Love me some Gaga but she wrote a few banging dance tunes (Bad Romance, Just Dance, Poker Face etc) and now she’s not living up to it. Also Marry The Night was well costumed-and-choreographed for something that was both pretentious and really boring, so I guess she’s doing some stuff well, but still. BORING. Do something fun, Gaga.

Jessie J

I think I’m going to have to save Jessie J for another blog, such is the rage I feel towards her. I don’t dislike her, I am just overcome by a passionate rage of BOREDOM every time I see her on telly or hear her or anything. Three points:

Her album was one of the worst things I have ever heard. I still like Do It Like A Dude, and I think Price Tag was a good, solid pop song. But the rest of it was just painfully dreadful. I know, because I listened to it three times through, to make sure I ‘got’ it, and it wasn’t all some subversive joke. Maybe I will review it here sometime. OH IT WAS SO BAD. And she apparently spent about 5 years on it, I have no idea what she was doing. Wasted youth.

I feel that she needs to work on her own voice. She’s got a great foundation, sure, but what would Xtina be if all she did was that ooohaaaah vocal gurning? NOTHING, that’s what. There is a time and place. This is why it annoys me so much that after a year of success, she’s a judge on the Voice alongside the seasoned folks like will.i.am and Tom Jones. I don’t like that assumption that she is now an authoritative figure as far as singing is concerned. Although if the Voice offered me a job, roflololol, I’d probably take it. Damn you Jessie, raking in all that lovely money when you still have so much to learn.

Adele

21 is a very pleasant album, if a little samey. I thought 19 was way spunkier. But I’m not mad about that. I am disappointed in Adele for two reasons really: firstly because (and this isn’t her fault) she is held up on the pop scene as some kind of figure of equality, because she’s different from the other acts dominating the pop scene. This really doesn’t cut it for me – if the most ground-breaking, boundary-pushing, different act in the top 40 is a size 16, white female who doesn’t get nakey on stage then something has gone wrong. #statingtheobvious

Secondly, she writes terrible middle eights.

Madonna

Madonna is doing nothing wrong and everything right. She’s just getting on with doing her artistic visions in a non pretentious (read: *anky) way, and not apologising if they go wrong, and not apologising for daring to think she (a WOMAN!!!) could direct a film etc, because she knows if some pop dude did the same thing everyone would be very understanding. Losing my train of thought now because I have that LUV Madonna song stuck in my head. Which reminds me, she’s also promoting the throwing of babies. You go gurrrrl.